Marital Cooties

Tuesday, February 09, 2016 Katie & Cam 0 Comments

I've come to the realization that I have basically not progressed since the fifth grade. I remember sitting in Ms. Enslow's class next to the cutest boy in the world (I obvi didn't know Cam yet), and listening to my teacher talk about how if she found out that any of us started "dating" that she would tell our parents because she thought that we were "too young." Let it be known that my little heart was stricken with fear because I just knew that I would be grounded until 2076 if my mom ever found out that I was dating a boy before I was 16. Let it also be known that my little heart had a wild desire to be a rebel and that I was still sitting next to the cutest boy in the world.

So I flirted. Hard Core. I remember stealing all of his pencils out of his desk during recess one day so that he had to ask to borrow mine for a week straight. I remember doing my state project on Oklahoma and making it all about Mickey Mantle because McDreamy was a Yankees fan. I ALWAYS put my violin next to his viola after orchestra practice and  watched from the top of the slide as he played basketball during lunch. You guys, it worked. About halfway through the year he sent his BFF over to me when I was walking to the bus and had him ask me out. Pretty sure that my exact response was, "LOL sure." Regardless, I was a taken woman and my new hottie came in for a hug. His viola case smashed into my knee making it painfully awkward (like what I did there? HA) and I was not mature enough to laugh it off so I ran up those bus stairs and didn't look back until I was safely seated and blasting Hilary Duff's "Rock This World" on my portable CD player.

Fast forward to the next morning: I show up to school and what to I hear? My idiot boyfriend, standing outside our classroom door, announcing to the whole class, that he and I were a couple. Um, excuse me? Did he not hear that the teacher would tell our mothers if she found out that any of us were pairing off?! "That's it," I declared, "he was is too much of a risk at that point in my life." So I avoided him just as hard as I had been flirting a week before. And it also worked. 

Sometime in between that and my senior year we managed to break up. I know that because as we cheated off of each others biology tests we were able to laugh about that hug and I could finally admit why I decided to ignore him for seven years. As an extra sign of maturity, I was able to lend him pencils without expecting an exclusive relationship.

So I suppose I did grow up a little.

But as I was laying in bed last night, reflecting on this last week, I realized how much has not changed in my flirtation technique. I hide Cam's shoes just so that he has to ask me where they are every morning. I pretend to talk sports and say, "that would be me if I played ____" every time someone does something impressive. Just so that he knows that I'd be super athletic if I was a 7 foot man. I say things like, "look how cute I am" just so that eventually he'll subconsciously begin to think I'm actually cute and maybe one day he will want to mate with me. 

The difference between Cam and my blast-in-the-past hunk is that instead of being the mature fifth grader, Cam is more of a sports-obsessed second grade tot that is afraid of cooties. I snuggle up to him and pucker up for some smooches and he palms my face and pushes me to the edge of the bed. I kiss his cute little belly and he wipes it off. I chase him around the house begging to be adored and he hides in the bath and scrolls through Twitter to help clear his mind. At this point I am pretty sure that when he says, "Katie! You know that I hate that!" is his way of reassuring me of his love and it let's me know that I'm headed in the right direction. Hahaha

Don't get me wrong, he gives me tons of attention and humors me every time I tag him in hilarious things on Facebook. I get millions of smooches and we get to cuddle at least 4 times each week which is technically the majority, but when I really take time and stop in the moment I can't believe that two of the most childish people (probably in all of Washington at least) have been married for a year in a half. And it's actually been working out pretty well so far.

So to the boy that once told me, "you need to just choose the team that you're going to watch every game. Study their stuff, really dedicate you life to it. It would make you a more interesting person,"I love you. Thanks for loving me back no matter what.